This is a bit freaky for any Simpsons fan... Yet again, the British are the best!
Now, giving credit where credit is due, I found this video at kungfucabbage.com . Not sure if that is where it came from originally, but oh well, that's as close as a credit I could find.
Looking at the amount of engineering that has gone into PAINT, no wonder it is one of the most used tool on any computer, by any graphics designer around the world!
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over
which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly
wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the
door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word,
Bob says, "I'll give you $ 800 just to drop that towel that you have
on". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob. Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds,
hands over $800 and quietly leaves. Confused, but excited about her
good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs!
When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower
"Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the! $800 he owes
me?"
MORAL OF THE STORY: Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to prevent avoidable exposure!
CORPORATE LESSON # 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road,
he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in
and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.
The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the
car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and
immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" The priest was
flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his
hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further
on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The
nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the
priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the mind is weak." Arriving at
the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on
her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a
bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek; further up,
you will find glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job; or, you might miss great opportunities!
CORPORATE LESSON #3
Usually the junior executives and staff of the company generally
play football; the middle level managers are more interested in tennis
and the top management usually has a preference for Golf.
MORAL OF THE STORY: As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size.
CORPORATE LESSON # 4
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the
CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important
document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine on,
inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent,
excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine.
"I just need one copy."
MORAL OF THE STORY- Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.
CORPORATE LESSON # 5
There were these 4 guys, Russian President Putin, Germany's
Chancellor Kohl, America's Dictator Bush and French Premiere Chirac who
found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie
appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle,
he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you
a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want
the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true." The French
Premiere Chirac wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and
shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The
Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the
Russian President Putin turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and
immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he
jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The
last is American's Randy. He was running towards the pool when suddenly
he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,
"SHIT!!!!!!!........."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Mind your language, you never know what it will land you in.
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, “You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?”
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?”
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really ARE Einstein!” he says. “Welcome to heaven!”
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.
Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?”
Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.”
Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!” he says. “Come on in!”
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?”
George W. looks bewildered and says, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?”
